Teaching while on the Spectrum might look like mainlining cocaine or speed
Yet it’s really anxiety-soaked adrenaline pushing daily seven-hour manic states
Come home, crash, weekend cries until the shakes stop but sleep never comes
A decade of internal doubt, of constant failure, fear of being seen as a liability
The job is important. Science must be taught with conviction rivaling zealotry
While a world shuts down borders and free thought, reason and medicine
Threadbare hope, grains of success not measurable during observations
Motivate with all the optimism and joy in the tank, leaving nothing for thyself
5.25.21 - Watched you leaving before you walked away
Lost in places we’re supposed to feel safe
In dark spaces, time spent tempting fate
Looking for despair in low corner of self-hate
Dreading looming disasters in nights so late
Marriages tested before honeymoon phases
Lost count of worthless evenings, wasted days
Miles between pillows, bridges retracted up
Dreaming of only one person’s touch, so much
I see it before you do, then, and always
Wander far, through unfamiliar hallways
Prefer distraction since it’s easier to avoid
Anyone’s company is better than noise
Starved for attention and unladen affection
Disappeared for days, unanswered questions
Alone in our empty bed, math adds up poorly
Ain’t real if it takes a drug for you to love me