ptsd

5.25.21 - Watched you leaving before you walked away

Lost in places we’re supposed to feel safe 
In dark spaces, time spent tempting fate 
Looking for despair in low corner of self-hate 
Dreading looming disasters in nights so late 
Marriages tested before honeymoon phases 
Lost count of worthless evenings, wasted days 
Miles between pillows, bridges retracted up 
Dreaming of only one person’s touch, so much 
I see it before you do, then, and always 
Wander far, through unfamiliar hallways 
Prefer distraction since it’s easier to avoid 
Anyone’s company is better than noise 
Starved for attention and unladen affection 
Disappeared for days, unanswered questions 
Alone in our empty bed, math adds up poorly 
Ain’t real if it takes a drug for you to love me 

2.13.21 - Homes, Heartbroken

I can’t fix what’s going on in her head 
Reliving nightmare days pass, in bed 
Wrist suspended from the wall above 
Zip-tied by ghosts, false tortured love 
Mute tears, a scared girl’s  past world 
Post-traumatic tragedy sleeps curled 
Knees tucked, frail skin, hunched over 
Medicated isn’t much better than sober 
One scarred arm rests arm over her head,  
Memories play back, first-person cassette 
Until the arm comes down, wait at her feet 
Just soothe her back, ‘till the terrors abate 
Date, location, dog, husband, home, bed 
Words can’t reach her, repeat them, yet 
She looks up, trembling big, brown eyes 
Love? She asks, strokes the puppy’s thigh 
Lazy tail thumps, content squish-face sigh 
Love. All is right. Yet a moment, she cries 
Unraveled another thread, unbound lies 
Love has no need of noble hero to fix her  
Gentle arms heal broken hearts better