9.4.20 - letters without addresses #1

Hey there, Psyche. Damn, I know it’s been forever 
Decades passed in silence, then only a shitty letter 
Though they say an asshole never really recovers 
This ass hopes you found far better friends and lovers  
Whisky brown hair, brilliant smile, the fairest blue eyes 
Sharper and brighter than all the stars in Southern skies 
Just one second, this ain't one of them pining love songs 
More a long-waiting tattered lists of souls I’ve done wrong 
One bad night, drunkenly convinced I’d been strung along 
I became another toxic creep, another entitled hard-on
Flashes of trembling hands, tears took up shop in my head  
But I blacked out enough to not remember what all I said
 When really you needed a best friend, not a jealous loser 
Instead, I walked away, wanting only to not exist to you 
It’s been years since then, paid in therapy reckonings
Took a while to learn, romance starts by looking within  
But still, what’s worse, digging up the past or living lies 
What hurts, late-offered amends or broken goodbyes 
For a victim, how long makes it too late to apologize? 
Male-privileged obsession is just intimidation in disguise  
So, years later, here’s the truth that only matters now 
The important thing I hope I one day get to say to you 
If allowed, I have random chance and courage to do 
Psyche, you deserved better than I ever gave to you  
My selfish words and actions burned our bridges 
There aren’t any good reasons you should forgive 
’Sides, justifying turns into gaslighting before long 
I’ll move along, just sorry that I hurt you. I was wrong