The nights are hardest
Fighting sleep feeds the beasts
While we refuse to eat
Love yourself, the message repeats
First full week of social distancing and things haven’t really changed in here. The house still echoes with raspy, barking coughs. My brother was sent home from work on Friday because of it, even though the doctor thinks its bronchitis. It’s not clear if he’ll be asked to leave again Monday. He doesn’t get worse but doesn’t get better. Meanwhile, my wife’s company completely shut down. She is filing for unemployment tomorrow. There’s a lot of questions about how we’ll manage. We’ll figure it out and we’re lucky that at least my job seems stable. But who knows what will happen in the long run, how long this will take.
It’s not like I went out a lot anyway. I’ve been a homebody and I’m okay with that. But I lost the gym mid-week, and tomorrow I’ll try to start using the yoga mat in the morning. Elastic bands should be coming Tuesday, and maybe that’ll help.
Meanwhile, J has been keeping L from the ledge and it hasn’t been easy. If we can get her through this horrible anniversary on top of everything else happening, maybe she’ll be okay. It won’t ever be easy for her, but if J can come back from what she went through, then anything is possible. I’m not sure if it’s helped or hurt that we’ve all been forced to seemingly pause our lives. Maybe… maybe for them to work on their demons, having time to actually reflect and grieve will be more beneficial. But right now, all they can do is shake and cry when the flashbacks are loud. They need to sleep, but they’re afraid of it. If I’d been through what they’d been through, I’d be afraid of sleep too. I just wish I knew how to help.