injury

4.2.20 - #corona2020 VI

Points of light share their grace in the dead of night
A backyard porch and empty streets, lonely cries
Asking stars if they’ve witnessed this story before
Have wonderous other worlds survived these plights
Are they twinkling to bless us with rays of hope
Telling us to hold tight, everything will be alright


I’m exhausted. First one to admit that I haven’t been sleeping. I haven’t been writing the past few days. We’re all struggling on the inside in these long, silent days. Filling the time with the things we probably would have done anyway, but gravity seems heavier on our shoulders now. We’re lucky, so far. My income is still stable for now, but we’ve taken a hit. Every trip to the grocery store, I’m wondering if I should bring a mask. I don’t have a good one yet, and I keep my distance. The lines are long, the toiletries are gone.
J has had to sleep on the couch to keep the triggers from being bad, something we’re hoping the new scripts take care of. But the adjustment is awful. My own scripts… I don’t know how well they’re working. Still takes me forever to fall asleep, even in bed. I don’t know if it’s a comfort or a shared sadness that I know I’m not the only one.
So I turn on an app that plays the sounds of rain and storms. I miss her, it sucks sleeping alone.
A year ago, I took the bandages off the staples in my knee, after the blowout. I posted a recovery picture and thought maybe put it here, because why not. I’m still writing, I’ll get back to it. Between GR and Robyn (still need a better title), I’ve got plenty I can do.
Yoga, elastic bands, and the recumbent bike have helped, but I haven’t done it consistently.

Lookout, the picture is kind of brutal. I’ve probably got 60% of function back, but the strength is just… gone. 30 pounds of weight loss probably included a lot of atrophy. Hopefully this year is the year I get the strength back.

3.28.19 - Bilateral Reconstruction

Tht’s a good name for something sci-fi.

That could be the meds.

Also.

That. Really. Hurt.

That really hurt.

It was worse than the doctor thought. Not just the patella but the ligaments to either side.

I’ll get a phone call tomorrow about the results and recovery.

For now, I’m glad it’s done.

I want to recover.

But I’m scared of how long it could potentially take.

But I want to recover. I want this to be the low point. It gets better from here.

I get better, from here.

“Wants”

I want to write
a story I can be proud of.
I want to write a story that
deserves to be heard.
I want to be
successful.
I want to scream into the void,
and hear a scream back,
for once.
I want you to reach out.

I know you’re out there.
I miss you.
I want to find out if I can finish what I start.

3.28.19 - Progress Update and Excerpt

So… personal progress first: I’m having surgery tomorrow to repair the ruptured patellar tendon in my left (formerly the good) knee.. This is not how I wanted to start my spring break, but I’m trying to look at it positively. At least I’ll have close to ten straight days to recover before I have to go back to work. Hopefully within a few weeks I’ll be cleared for physical therapy and be back in the gym shortly thereafter. It’s not going to be easy, but I know I’m going to be so grateful to be back on track, working on making myself better. The gym has been my outlet for depression over the past few years. And I can’t wait to get back.

But while I’ve been on injured reserve, I finished the third draft of Gravity’s Reach, the first book in this saga I dream of getting published. Draft One came in at around 200,000 words. Draft Two knocked that down to 140,000. Draft Three got me to under the red line of 120,000, which is what I needed to get published. So I’ve gone ahead and done a few housekeeping things like creating actual chapter breaks and a table of contents. Ran spell check a few times (for what small amount of good that does), and now I’m starting Draft Four, in which I hopefully tighten everything together and make it something someone other than myself would want to read.

The good news? I’ve got ten days to dive into it, with nothing but rotating ice packs and strong medications to keep me company. Well, there’s the dog. He’ll be around.

Random wonderings when you’re writing science fiction:

People know that Sol is another name for the Sun, right?


Crash pressed against the cold window, took in the soft glow of Earth, and wondered if he would see home again.

How’s that for an opening sentence?